5 Simple Ways To Be Your Most Authentic Self
Want to hear a secret? It's going to be a shocker, so you might want to sit down for this...
Neurodivergent humans are my very favorite humans.
Okay, seeing as I literally created a business around designing tools for those of us with tricky brains, maybe that's not much of a secret. Regardless, the statement stands, and I'm not just saying that because I happen to fall into that category.
All of you beautifully messy, think-outside-the-box, creative problem solvers are the light of my life. You make me laugh (hello, you're hilarious), inspire me daily, and never fail to make me feel like I have an entire community of people who just GET ME.
So, why, why, WHY does it seem like some of the most incredible people on the planet are often the ones who doubt themselves the most and try to hide their authentic selves?
Actually, I'll tell you why. It's because we've spent our entire lives feeling like we're operating outside the bounds of normal brain function. We've been told we're too slow, too lazy, too excitable, too different, too MUCH. And the saddest part is that a lot of us believed that.
It's time to stop buying into that bullshit, friends. You are not too much. You're exactly the right amount, and if people can't handle that, it's on them, not you. The hard truth is we're NOT "normal" - whatever the hell normal means. But who actually wants to be? “Not I”, said the fly.
It's time to start being your most authentic self, my love, even if it's messy. If you need a little nudge to help you find that most-true version of yourself, start here:
1. Get introspective.
Stop for a minute and really think about what it is that makes you YOU. Not the version of you that you think others want to see, but the really real you deep inside. What things make you genuinely, giddily happy? What things tend to turn you into a grump? (And I'm not talking about doing the dishes. Dishes make everyone grumpy.)
Start chasing those things that bring you joy. It sounds ludicrous that anyone would have to tell you to "do more things that make you happy," but so many of us don't intrinsically prioritize those things. We tend to go with the flow and put our own happiness on the backburner, and over time we lose a little more of ourselves because of it.
To find our authentic selves, we have to stop making decisions based on other people's opinions and desires, and do the things that light OUR fire. There's only one you, and being untrue to yourself denies the world of the special gifts only you can bring. Don't deny people the pleasure of knowing the real you.
2. Own your struggles but don't apologize for being you.
As an adult with ADHD, I 100% get that there are struggles and bad brain days, even with therapy and medication. I have spent so much of my time trying to apologize for things that are out of my control or pretend that everything was fine when my brain actually felt like a giant hot mess. I never wake up hoping I'll be barely functional for the day, but alas, there are days when that's absolutely the case.
I've found that open communication with people is often the best way. Instead of masking and pretending that everything is fine, let someone know that it's a shitty brain day and you're doing your best to get through it. Your boss, coworker, friends, spouse, kids, whoever needs to know. But please, please stop apologizing for not functioning like everyone else. You're NOT like everyone else, and that's okay. You sparkle, honey, don't forget it.
3. Find YOUR humans.
It is okay to be selective with who you surround yourself with. In fact, it's encouraged.
You should absolutely be intentional with the people you spend your time and energy on. Do they share similar core values? Do they lift you up and make you feel like you could conquer the world? If they don't, they probably aren't the ones for you. Stop letting people who don't believe in you bring you down. Life is way too short for that kind of negativity.
Your core group doesn't have to all be IRL, either. We live in such a digital world these days, there's no shortage of online communities for support and encouragement. If you need a little boost, feel free to pop over to the Imperfect Inspiration Clubhouse on Facebook, where some of the most badass people I know lift each other up daily in very positive, often hilarious ways.
3. Plan your day, boo.
Being intentional with your time and making your personal goals a priority is a huge step toward being your most authentic self.
It's so easy to get wrapped up in day to day life and let other people's needs become your main focus. We can lose ourselves in the mix sometimes. Before you know it, you wake up and wonder who the hell you actually are outside of an employee, wife, mom, etc.
Make sure you are spending a significant time each day doing things that you actually enjoy doing. These don't have to be huge things. It can be as simple as reading a few chapters in a book you've been wanting to read, going for a walk after dinner, or finding a new hobby. Whatever brings you joy. Do more of that.
5. Tune out the noise.
Look, it's inevitable. We are not everyone's cup of tea. Someone, somewhere (no matter how misguided) won't like you. It's just the way of the world, and honestly it's their loss. Forget them. The most important opinion about your character is your own. Do you like yourself? Do you feel like you're living your life in a way that's true to yourself and your values? If so, the rest is just noise.
Instead of trying to twist yourself into someone else's idea of who you should be, be who you want to be. You'll be so much happier, friend, and you'll attract the right kinds of people to your life - people who appreciate you and share common interests. People who recognize you for the complete rock star that you are.
And trust me, you'll feel so much lighter without the burden of other people's unsolicited opinions.
